Childhood is a fragile time in everyone's life. It would be beautiful and good if parents offered security, well-being and love in childhood. However, this is not always the case and many children around the world unfortunately have to live in families where the parents or parent are emotionally immature.
Emotional immaturity can create in a child a feeling that he or she is not expected, wanted, protected, and the child may feel ignored, not listened to, lacked physical intimacy, such as hugs. Immature parents do not give the child a sense of security, trust and may make them feel that he or she is not valuable.
As you read this, you may feel how sad it is, and you do not wish any child such a childhood. The truth is, however, that many, even too many, children grow up with emotionally immature parents or parent, and many emotional problems start at home in that person's life.
In this article, I'll tell you what an emotionally immature parent is, and if you recognize yourself here, I'll tell at the end of the article how to help yourself get out of this pain. Of course, I want all parents to appreciate and value their children more than described in this article. Then you can be a more mature parent for your child today or in the future.
It is not my intention to put down any parents or to incite rage among family members. On the contrary, my aim is to bring more clarity and understanding.
I will first highlight the signs that point to such a parent. If you recognize your mother or father here, they may be emotionally immature.
- Immature parents cannot enjoy their child's joy and happiness. For example, if a child feels that he has achieved something great and comes to his mother or father to share that happiness, he will be received coldly or even defiantly. Something is said that spoils the child's mood. Every time the same thing happens, the child is happy to talk about his discoveries and achievements, and the parent approaches him so that the child remains unhappy.
- The parent cannot see the mistakes in himself, he does not even focus on what he may have done wrong. It is always the fault of the child or someone else. There is no introspection.
- Conversations are superficial. They talk about what happened, what they say and who they met. But it does not move from the surface to the depths. For example, the child is not told what happened and why it happened. There is no explanation of the underlying things, the deeper meaning, no reasons are given to explain things. Everything is superficial. For example, a child is denied something and is simply said "no". Immature parents do not explain why they can’t do something, won’t give any explanation that would actually reach the child. There are orders, prohibitions, permits, but no in-depth explanations next to them.
- Immature parents are dramatic, nervous, even emotional or passive. Everything is superficial, nothing is explained. They are in a bad mood and the reason for the mood is not explained to the child. However, this deepens the child's fears. He feels as if he is to blame for all these moods or emotions. The child feels that he is not doing enough or is always doing something wrong, but the parent does not explain anything.
- The physical or material side of life is more important than the emotional and spiritual side. An emotionally immature parent loves through things, not through heartfelt moments spent together. If I buy you this or that, I love you. When I get a new car, I'm happy. When I get a new kitchen, I'm not nervous anymore. It's not that when we're watching TV together on the couch, in each other's arms, that's what I need. It is not that if we eat together, this moment is touching the heart. An immature parent does not love moments with a child, but things.
- An emotionally immature parent is constantly preoccupied with his own affairs, his friends, acquaintances, walking, work, or shopping are more important than what the child wants. The child is a bystander at the most important thing in the life of an immature parent.
- The relationship with the child is such that the parent is the parent and the child is a child. He can do anything because he is a mother or a father. The child has fewer rights, but it is not explained why this is the case. No justification is given other than that he is a mother or a father. The dangers and many other reasons why a child is not allowed to do anything are not explained. Just "NO" and all!
- An immature parent never apologizes and never admits his mistake out loud. Rather, it is even done so that when a parent knows that he was wrong, he pretends and simply goes on with life.
- An immature parent expects the child to know exactly what the parent wants and thinks. It is as if he wants the child to be a mind reader or clairvoyant. Even if the child understands what the parent wants through the parent's unpleasant behaviour patterns, he will be set back if he wants to help. It's like a game of bullying: "I'm offended, you have to help me! If you help me, I'll push you away and let's start again!"
- An immature parent has no problem vilifying the child, saying ugly and hurtful words. An immature parent brings out everything you do badly and fails to mention everything you do well. He doesn't even see what you're good at. He has no eyes or an open heart for that. As sad as it may be, there are too many such immature parents in this world.
Immature parents also have many other characteristics, such as the fact that they create a very toxic home environment. In many families, a child is obliged at home to raise other children and take over the household, and if not sub-missed, the kid is a bad child. All this is multiplied, the child is manipulated and much more. An emotionally immature parent may even favour one child over another in the family, giving one more rights and freedoms than the other. In fact, all such patterns of behaviour show how immature they are emotionally and there is no trace of spirituality in such a parent. They are generally very non-spiritual and completely materialistic. An emotionally immature parent can also be physically violent.
If you read all these points I made and discovered that you grew up in a family where it was all dominant over the parent and the child, then you know that it has all been very traumatic. A child with such parents does not grow up in a healthy environment. In this way, a great internal struggle begins in the child as a child, and such parents deprive the child of the right to be a child.
If you have grown up in such an emotionally immature family, you need to work hard to get rid of it all and learn to live with it all, because life has to move on!
- If you are a child of emotionally immature parents, heal your soul no matter how old you are today. Allow painful memories to emerge, and when they do, explain to yourself immediately that you are not guilty of these patterns of behaviour. You didn't do anything to make them behave like that. It was their own inability to express, feel and receive love. Your parents can't or didn't know how to love unconditionally, you are not guilty of being born as their child. To be free from pain, pain must be allowed to come when it wants to come. Then you have to immediately start talking to yourself, explaining and being your own psychologist at that moment. If you do not take advantage of this moment, you will miss the opportunity to heal yourself. We can cure the pain of the past when it reminds us painfully. Whenever you remember something from the past, confront it immediately with explanations and advice, and, believe me, every time the subject becomes easier for you. Until you cry and explain, the pain will not change. Believe me, I know all this very well, because my job over the years has been to help such broken people recover, and I know how we can do great cleansing in our souls. Believe me and practice what I just taught you!
- As a child of emotionally immature parents, change this world right here and now. Do not copy or imitate your parents. Be a smarter parent today. Be more loving, listen to your child, let him talk and be an individual, with your desires and nature. Be a best friend to the child, the biggest support person and always a welcome companion. Change the world when you have experienced something as painful as being a child of emotionally immature parents. You can heal your children through pain by changing the pattern. It is an extremely powerful self-healing tool if you offer others what you have lost. If you are a parent, be sure to read my article on how and why to teach your child love. You will find this article HERE.
- If your mother or father is like that even when you are an adult, try not to have a good relationship with them at your own expense, but rather accept that they have found such a way. You don't have to endure the mistreatment and stress that comes with them. As an adult, you have the right to choose who you want to be with and not. Unfortunately, if they do not meet you halfway, you will have to be the victim again. I am not trying to separate you from your parents, but rather to make you understand that a relationship could consist of mutual love and respect. When communicating with your parents, set boundaries that you do not want to be crossed. If you know that your actions and choices are unacceptable to your parents, don't share your desires and dreams. Share what's safe to share, and all to protect yourself. Set your emotional health toward dealing with emotionally immature parents.
White Agate is a crystal that helps you get rid of the sadness and pain that such childhood has created in your soul. This crystal is very important for relieving pain and for self-healing. I recommend keeping White Agate crystal very close to you when the pain of childhood is great and give it to a child who has to live in such an environment. Wearing White Agate will help you gradually relieve pain, feel lonely, heal your emotional body, and learn to be a better person. It does not allow you to become like your parents, but on the contrary, it helps you to become more cordial.
Remember - you can't change the way your mom or dad behaves or thinks. But as an adult, you can change the way you leave such a childhood and what kind of parent you are. You can change the pattern and create a better environment for the children of the future!